The Dating Chronicles

The chronicles of my somewhat nonexistent dating life. Laughter is a spice of life, so sprinkle that shite on everything.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:   TDC 1   |   TDC 2   |   TDC 3   |   TDC 4


THE DATING CHRONICLES: ENTRY 4

Random Dude: Beautiful smile, sweet eyes and freckles. *insert smiley face* If you’re as nice as you are cute, I think I can teach you some of my secret dance moves.

A FEW HOURS OR A DAY LATER *So I can’t remember, same diff.*: Really? You’re gonna miss out on this opportunity? Come on, haha.

My ThoughtsEh, secret dance moves? Think I’ll pass. I really don’t want to know anything about what kind of moves you’re thinking of. Yepp, will defo pass. 

A FEW HOURS OR A DAY LATER *So I can’t remember, same diff.*: YEAH. Dude. No chance in hell, asshole. Seriously, what were you thinking? Oh wait, you clearly weren’t.  I’ll be missing out on what opportunity? Fucking you? Yeah, that’s not a missed opportunity. That is an opportunity that I choose not to be a part of. 

NOTE: Entry was edited for the main purpose of people are shite at grammar. Also for clarity. You are welcome.

ANOTHER NOTE: My thoughts are my thoughts. I think them. END.


THE DATING CHRONICLES: ENTRY 3

Random Dude: Hi there… You’re adorable. So adorable in fact, that I’ve decided to adopt you as my new little sister! Don’t worry, we’ll spend all of our time climbing trees and drinking Kool-Aid. Actually, you seem like a cool person. I’d love to get together sometime and let you cook for me, haha. Wait! You’re not crazy, are you?!

My ThoughtsWhat. The. Actual. Hell. DUDE. THIS IS A DATING WEBSITE! You want me to be your little sister?! Are you into incest? Is that what you’re trying to make this? GAH. ICK. NO. Also, you’ll LET me come and cook for you?  Never happening. Not a chance in hell. And you ask the question if I AM CRAZY! Not in the least bit sorry to break it to you, but you are most definitely the crazy one in this situation. *shudder*

NOTE: Entry was edited for the main purpose of people are shite at grammar. Also for clarity. You are welcome.

ANOTHER NOTE: My thoughts are my thoughts. I think them. END.


THE DATING CHRONICLES: ENTRY 2

Random Dude: Dear God, you are gorgeous. Please just, please God, grant my wish and allow me to get a response! LOL.

My ThoughtsEhhh. Oh goodness. *Mental face-palm*

NOTE: Entry was edited for the main purpose of people are shite at grammar. Also for clarity. You are welcome.

ANOTHER NOTE: My thoughts are my thoughts. I think them. END.


THE DATING CHRONICLES: ENTRY 1

Random Dude: Hey, how are you? How have you been? I’ve been having a really busy week with work, but hopefully by birthday on Thursday can ease things a bit, haha. Hope all is well. Have you had any luck on here yet?

My ThoughtsHave I ever spoken to you? No. Do I know anything about you? No. Why would you mention your birthday? Dude wants to get laid. NOPE.

NOTE: Entry was edited for the main purpose of people are shite at grammar. Also for clarity. You are welcome.

ANOTHER NOTE: My thoughts are my thoughts. I think them. END.